Hello again, friends. I know. Don't fall over dead. It's only been like 3 weeks since I last blogged instead of 1 1/2 years. I know. Don't let the shock blow you over.
I'm still in the same book: Lord, I Want to Know You by the gifted Kay Arthur. I'm actually still in the same section as last time: Jehovah-rapha, the LORD who heals. You're probably wondering when I'm going to be finished blogging about this, and the answer is I don't know. God being a healer is where I need to be.
I've been a Christian since I was a teenager. I can't remember exactly how old I was. I want to say somewhere around 14 or 15. However, I knew who Jesus was long before I decided to walk with Him. One afternoon, I walked down to my church and sat in pastor's office, pleading with Jesus to be a Savior to me, and He was. In that moment, the Cross became real in my life. In that moment, Jesus came and saved me from sin and from myself. Ezekiel says that He takes away our hearts of stone and gives us hearts of flesh.
Today, I was reading the book, yet again convinced that nothing would be applicable to me because I had learned everything from the healer chapter that I could. No, that was not the case. Listen to what Kay writes:
For some time I had realized my lifestyle was unacceptable to God. I knew that if I were to stand before Him, I would hear Him justly say, "Depart from Me." My sins were obvious. Even I could not excuse them. For the first time in my life, I had seen my poverty of spirit. Although I had tried, I could not quit sinning. Nothing good dwelt in my flesh, and I knew it. I had made resolution after resolution to be good, to stop being immoral. Yet I gave in again and again. I finally concluded that there was no way I could ever be set free. I just wasn't strong enough spiritually to change. I knew I was sick--sick of soul. As a registered nurse I was an active participant in the healing of many bodies, but I didn't know of any doctor who could heal my soul. And heal myself? Well, it was impossible. I had tried.
Kay was talking about her life before she met Jesus, but, believer, do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like you're too damaged? Do you ever feel like what you are can never really be fixed? Do you ever feel like you're too dirty to be cleaned, too guilty to be freed?
My sin stared me in the face today, and it won the staring contest hands down. I felt so detestable, despicable, tarnished. I cried out to God, "Lord, I'm sorry!" Yet my guilt continued to grow. I flipped to Romans 7--yep, Kay had recommended it. However, I read past what Kay recommended. Beloved, there is a reason that Scripture is the healing balm we need. There is a reason we need it because it is our life support. Read this. It's long, but I can't leave out a single word of what God inspired Paul to write.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do, no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in sinful man, in order that righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, [side note: As far as I'm concerned, after hearing that a sinful nature can't please God, "You, however" are the best words ever] You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you. Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Romans 7:18-8:16, NIV
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Please don't get lost in all the spirit talk and do's and don't do's. If you do, you're going to get really confused and miss the point. I know that theologians would probably tear my analysis apart, but I'm sharing what I learned today. So here's what I got:
Before I chose to follow Jesus, I had an ugly nature in me. I had a sinful nature, a sinful spirit. However (See? It's the best word, isn't it?), when I came to know Jesus, He gave me Him. I know, people. This is elementary, and you're thinking, "Yeah, I knew that. What is the great epiphany in that?" The point is that it's not really an epiphany. It's really my Lover reminding me that He loves me and telling me our love story all over again. It's my Jesus watching me walk away, and I turn back for that final glance and He comes running. It's me wearing filthy rags, and His locking me in an embrace so tightly anyway that I never want to leave to protection of His arms, that the filth no longer matters. People, do you hear the gift He gave us? He gave us Himself. Let me say it one more time: He gave us Himself. Romans 8 says He gave Himself as the sin offering we could never give. It says that not only did He give Himself as a sin offering, but that He gives us His Spirit and He gives us a "Spirit of sonship". I mean, come on. I have the spirit of Christ living in me at all times. I have His Spirit; not because of anything I did, but because God loves me and knew I was powerless against sin without Him. "For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, GOD DID by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering" (Romans 8:3).
I can't get that thought out of my head: "God did." God did that all for me. "Who will rescue me from this body of death?" God did. He made a way for me long before I walked this planet. God had paid for me, healed me before I even knew I needed it. I'm sorry if this is a long blog, if it seems simple. I am just blown away by the power, by the sweetness, by the healing of my Jesus. This morning when my heart cried out, He heard and answered. He said, "Beloved, you don't have to be a slave to that. I'm giving you freedom. I'm giving you life. I'm giving you complete healing. I am the peace maker and joy giver. Drop it and let my Spirit invade yours."
"Where do you run when you need healing? Jehovah-rapha is there--waiting with outstretched arms, Calvary arms."
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Bitter into Sweet Waters
Hello to the few of you who may stumble onto this blog! No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet, regardless of the fact that my last post was in March 2013. The blog is more of a therapeutic kind of thing for me. I'm not one of those avid bloggers. I just do it when I have a thought that may or may not interest someone else or when I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get out in some way. In this case, my journal is in another room and typing is way faster, so I'm opting for the blogging option.
I'm reading a book currently called Lord, I Want to Know You by the beautifully gifted writer Kay Arthur. I've always been more of a Beth Moore girl, but, Kay, I have to tell you: You're growing on me quickly. Anywho, this book goes through several of the names of God, shows where they first showed up Biblically (because I've learned that it is critical in understanding the meaning of name), and then digs into the meaning of the name and why it's important to know that name of God. Names in Biblical times were just as important as your actions, I feel like. Your name spoke to your character. It told more stories on you than your parents when your first date comes over to meet them. The first name Kay wrote about was Elohim. I could talk on that one for a long time, so I'll save that for, perhaps, another blog because it deserves its own slot.
The name I'm on now is Jehovah-rapha or the Lord who heals. And, like everything else in this book, I get to it and think, "Oh, this will be a good chapter for me to read for someone else. You know. For those hurting people out there who need God's healing." I don't know why in the world I CHOOSE to think things like that, because I'm always wrong. I'm sure God laughs at me when I think things like that.
So, yesterday's study led me to where the Lord first reveals Himself as a healer in Exodus 15. To put this Scripture into context for you, this was not too long after the Israelites had been delivered from Egypt.
Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shut. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.) So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?" Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink. There the Lord issues a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test. He said, "If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you." --Exodus 15:22-26
I know, I know. I thought the same thing you did. How is this important, and how it is applicable to me? I don't have a water problem right now. I'm not escaping a Pharaoh. I know Jesus loves me and He forgives me and that I am healed, so what does this have to do with me? Well...I don't know if you thought that or not, but those thoughts surely ran/are running through my head. The Lord promised not to plague them with the diseases of the Egyptians if they listened to His commands and were obedient to them. It's funny. While I do believe the Lord may have very well been talking about physical ailments, I also believed the Egyptians were plagued with bitterness. I find it no coincidence that they were led to a place with bitter water. I find it no accident that listening to His voice and following His commands were the only healing for that.
Bitterness truly is a plague. Once it takes root, it takes over everything you are. Insecurity is like that, too; both of these I struggle with more than I would care to confess. Unfortunately, ridding yourself of both isn't as easy as throwing a log into some water--I wish. The little stream behind my house would be blocked with logs. Yesterday, I was with some friends, and I got really insecure about our friendships. They were busy chatting away, and, like a child, I felt "left out" because I didn't feel like I belonged in their conversation, like they didn't want me involved. So, I backed away, and the thoughts came flying. You know, your thoughts can be your own worst enemy. They can literally destroy you and steal your joy. The thoughts about you usually aren't true. They literally come from an evil one who wants to steal, kill, and destroy you. Boy, does he do a good job sometimes. "Marlie, you're not needed here. Not only are you not needed, you're not wanted. Stay in your chair over here. Nope, see? They don't even notice you. You can't possibly build friendships with people. All of your friends end up leaving; either moving away or drifting away, and then you have to start all over, knowing the process will happen all over again. Just quit trying. It's not worth it. Just learn to live lonely because that's all you'll ever be." Y'all, really. I wish I was kidding, but every single one of those thoughts raced across my mind yesterday, and the worst part was, I let them and believed them.
Kay Arthur posed the question at the end of yesterday's lesson, and it was so simple: How do you need to be healed?
I think I got my answer as yesterday's events unraveled, and I allowed Satan to steal every ounce possible of joy from me, every granule of truth. He made His people a promise: Listen and obey My commands, and you won't be plagued with what the Egyptians had. This morning, wondering how in this world I was going to handle today and take on God's joy and take it in full stride, His commands came to me:
"Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress. I will never be shaken. How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down, this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place. They delight in lies. With their mouths, they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress. I will never be shaken." --Psalm 62:1-6
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ." --2 Corinthians 10:5
God told the Israelites their way to healing was listening and obedience. Obviously, that was true, because yesterday when I refused to hear all of these Scriptures flying through my head, it led to hurt instead of healing, instead of freedom. Want those waters to turn from bitter into sweet? Jesus.
Just to let you know, none of those thoughts about my sweet friends were true. They are very much dear to me and care about me. Like I said though. My enemy's mission is to steal life from me, and they very much make my soul happy. However, there's really only one life giver, only one helper, only one healer: Jehovah-rapha. So thankful for the gracious presence He has in my life and that He gave us Word to follow to find healing, to find completion, to find joy, to find Him.
I'm reading a book currently called Lord, I Want to Know You by the beautifully gifted writer Kay Arthur. I've always been more of a Beth Moore girl, but, Kay, I have to tell you: You're growing on me quickly. Anywho, this book goes through several of the names of God, shows where they first showed up Biblically (because I've learned that it is critical in understanding the meaning of name), and then digs into the meaning of the name and why it's important to know that name of God. Names in Biblical times were just as important as your actions, I feel like. Your name spoke to your character. It told more stories on you than your parents when your first date comes over to meet them. The first name Kay wrote about was Elohim. I could talk on that one for a long time, so I'll save that for, perhaps, another blog because it deserves its own slot.
The name I'm on now is Jehovah-rapha or the Lord who heals. And, like everything else in this book, I get to it and think, "Oh, this will be a good chapter for me to read for someone else. You know. For those hurting people out there who need God's healing." I don't know why in the world I CHOOSE to think things like that, because I'm always wrong. I'm sure God laughs at me when I think things like that.
So, yesterday's study led me to where the Lord first reveals Himself as a healer in Exodus 15. To put this Scripture into context for you, this was not too long after the Israelites had been delivered from Egypt.
Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shut. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.) So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?" Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink. There the Lord issues a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test. He said, "If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you." --Exodus 15:22-26
I know, I know. I thought the same thing you did. How is this important, and how it is applicable to me? I don't have a water problem right now. I'm not escaping a Pharaoh. I know Jesus loves me and He forgives me and that I am healed, so what does this have to do with me? Well...I don't know if you thought that or not, but those thoughts surely ran/are running through my head. The Lord promised not to plague them with the diseases of the Egyptians if they listened to His commands and were obedient to them. It's funny. While I do believe the Lord may have very well been talking about physical ailments, I also believed the Egyptians were plagued with bitterness. I find it no coincidence that they were led to a place with bitter water. I find it no accident that listening to His voice and following His commands were the only healing for that.
Bitterness truly is a plague. Once it takes root, it takes over everything you are. Insecurity is like that, too; both of these I struggle with more than I would care to confess. Unfortunately, ridding yourself of both isn't as easy as throwing a log into some water--I wish. The little stream behind my house would be blocked with logs. Yesterday, I was with some friends, and I got really insecure about our friendships. They were busy chatting away, and, like a child, I felt "left out" because I didn't feel like I belonged in their conversation, like they didn't want me involved. So, I backed away, and the thoughts came flying. You know, your thoughts can be your own worst enemy. They can literally destroy you and steal your joy. The thoughts about you usually aren't true. They literally come from an evil one who wants to steal, kill, and destroy you. Boy, does he do a good job sometimes. "Marlie, you're not needed here. Not only are you not needed, you're not wanted. Stay in your chair over here. Nope, see? They don't even notice you. You can't possibly build friendships with people. All of your friends end up leaving; either moving away or drifting away, and then you have to start all over, knowing the process will happen all over again. Just quit trying. It's not worth it. Just learn to live lonely because that's all you'll ever be." Y'all, really. I wish I was kidding, but every single one of those thoughts raced across my mind yesterday, and the worst part was, I let them and believed them.
Kay Arthur posed the question at the end of yesterday's lesson, and it was so simple: How do you need to be healed?
I think I got my answer as yesterday's events unraveled, and I allowed Satan to steal every ounce possible of joy from me, every granule of truth. He made His people a promise: Listen and obey My commands, and you won't be plagued with what the Egyptians had. This morning, wondering how in this world I was going to handle today and take on God's joy and take it in full stride, His commands came to me:
"Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress. I will never be shaken. How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down, this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place. They delight in lies. With their mouths, they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress. I will never be shaken." --Psalm 62:1-6
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ." --2 Corinthians 10:5
God told the Israelites their way to healing was listening and obedience. Obviously, that was true, because yesterday when I refused to hear all of these Scriptures flying through my head, it led to hurt instead of healing, instead of freedom. Want those waters to turn from bitter into sweet? Jesus.
Just to let you know, none of those thoughts about my sweet friends were true. They are very much dear to me and care about me. Like I said though. My enemy's mission is to steal life from me, and they very much make my soul happy. However, there's really only one life giver, only one helper, only one healer: Jehovah-rapha. So thankful for the gracious presence He has in my life and that He gave us Word to follow to find healing, to find completion, to find joy, to find Him.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Overflowing
Let me start by saying this: Jesus is so darn sweet. He just is. Has to be the sweetest gentleman in my life. Would you like to know why?
My life has (literally) been flipped over the course of the last few months, and it took until now for me to see that---What? You all know hind sight is 20/20! In September, within 2 weeks, I started a new job and moved back to my college town stomping grounds. At first, I didn't appreciate that because my new job was difficult. I said in nursing school that I would never work in pediatrics, and here I go, almost 1.5 years later working in pediatrics. I should take the movie title's advice and "never say never" (Why, yes, I did just go there!). So, ended up on pediatrics. Wasn't real fond of it to start with because I had to get to know a totally new staff, and that, dear friends, was difficult. I had gotten to a point where I wasn't too keen on being around a lot of new things, especially groups of people. However, can I just tell you that the Lord is so good and so constant. How glad I am that His plans don't change because of our plans for ourselves!
I am convinced that the Lord rewards obedience. He told me to move and I did. I was scared to leave my old floor, but now I see how sweet the Lord is. I work with the best nurses on the planet. Literally. They are incredible. They love our kids. They love our kids' families. They love each other. And they love and put up with me. Those are some special people. I hang out with them when I'm not at work. They love Jesus. They build me up spiritually. I mean, one takes me to church every Sunday when I'm off. She has gotten me involved with a 20s ministry that is incredible, full of people who are passionate about their Savior, and I am overwhelmingly thankful for fellowship with folks my age.
I have also gotten the incredible, humbling privilege of precepting two of the most absolutely amazing nursing students. I am challenged by them in all ways: in nursing and in walking with Jesus. I am so very grateful for their presence in my life. They allow this disorganized, scatterbrained, spastic nurse to try to teach them. I find it to be one of the most rewarding aspects of my job lately. Seeing them be His hands and feet to our patients and seeing them love on their kiddos like Jesus would is probably the sweetest part of my job. I find myself just standing at the doorways of our patients' rooms, watching them smile, clap, sing, and play with our patients and I can't help but smile because I know those kids have stolen their hearts. I am amazed by them constantly. I feel sorry if I have students after them soon. They will have a hard time competing with the level of care these girls give their patients, and while James talks about not showing favoritism, it's going to be hard for me not to compare all other students to them. I just love them!
I will say it again: Jesus is so sweet. And He is worthy of my affection and my adoration.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Pitch Perfect
I don't really have much to write about, but I hadn't written in a while, so I figured I would. Not that anyone really reads this, but I guess I'm just writing for the fun of it so it doesn't really matter. I do have to tell you that I have found myself completely obsessed with the movie Pitch Perfect. It just makes me laugh! My friend Taylor came over this morning and watched it with my dad and me. SO MUCH FUN! Taylor's laugh alone makes it fun to watch the movie. I just think that Anna Kendrick is the perfect touch of sarcasm and that Rebul Wilson is delightfully and (sometimes) inappropriately humorous and that Skylar Astin is just a cutie. And they are all so stinking talented. Wouldn't it be so much fun if we could randomly break into accapella goodness? The closest I've ever gotten to that is when I was in college. "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz came on over the speakers at the coffee shop on campus and everyone (literally) started either mouthing it or singing it softly as soon as it came on. I just chuckled as I watched it all happen.
I worked on Christmas. All Christmas Eve day, I was dreading being at the hospital that day. It took a lot of Jesus telling me, "Christmas isn't about being with your family," for me to get over being a complete Scrooge. I put on my reindeer antlers headband and my blue scrubs and went to work. I drew ornaments on our assignment board so we would at least feel somewhat Christmas-y yesterday. One of our kiddos was in the PICU yesterday, and he is (obviously) really sick. I ran into his momma, and I got the wonderful opportunity to pray with her. She is the epitome of a Godly woman and good mom. I think she encourages the nursing staff more than we could ever encourage her, and it's not even our child that is sick. It's amazing to me how God empowers those who trust in Him. It should be no surprise to me about how much peace and composure she has.
My dad came to my house last night. It was so good to see him on Christmas. He's been trying to tame the wild beast, aka my corgi Matilda. That hasn't gone so well. She's a one year old heathen. That's all I have to say about her. She needs intense training. Like doggy bootcamp or something. Seriously. Anywho, that's about all I have. Merry (late) Christmas and happy new year!
I worked on Christmas. All Christmas Eve day, I was dreading being at the hospital that day. It took a lot of Jesus telling me, "Christmas isn't about being with your family," for me to get over being a complete Scrooge. I put on my reindeer antlers headband and my blue scrubs and went to work. I drew ornaments on our assignment board so we would at least feel somewhat Christmas-y yesterday. One of our kiddos was in the PICU yesterday, and he is (obviously) really sick. I ran into his momma, and I got the wonderful opportunity to pray with her. She is the epitome of a Godly woman and good mom. I think she encourages the nursing staff more than we could ever encourage her, and it's not even our child that is sick. It's amazing to me how God empowers those who trust in Him. It should be no surprise to me about how much peace and composure she has.
My dad came to my house last night. It was so good to see him on Christmas. He's been trying to tame the wild beast, aka my corgi Matilda. That hasn't gone so well. She's a one year old heathen. That's all I have to say about her. She needs intense training. Like doggy bootcamp or something. Seriously. Anywho, that's about all I have. Merry (late) Christmas and happy new year!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Prodigal
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:11-24 NIV84)
Prodigal, wasteful: both are synonymous. Both are very much descriptive of me. Have you ever been there? Been in a place where everything you are is empty and everything you do seems pointless? You go over the last few months in your head and wonder where you fell into the deep end? Today has been a reflection day for me. I went to church this morning, and I literally can't tell you the last time I have been to a church two weekends in a row before today. Pinelake is doing to series on spiritual disciplines. Last week was giving. This week was prayer. After the sermon was over, the preacher gave us some time for prayer, probably 5 minutes or so. My thoughts were absolutely empty. I had nothing to say. I haven't earnestly sought Him in prayer for so long that I didn't know what to say and I feel very undeserving to speak. You know when you see a person you haven't seen in a long time and conversation with them is the epitome of awkward? I feel like prayer is the same way for me right now. So after church, I tried to dodge the conviction that had just literally been hurled at my heart. Watched a movie. Took a nap. Read other blogs. LL, thank you for your reminder that He is always faithful. And, McCall, your blog just inspires me every time I read it, whether it's cake batter dip or urging me to follow His plan for me. Thank you.
What am I running from? I once heard that if there were 10,000 steps between me and Jesus, if I would just take 1 step, He would RUN the 9,999 remaining to get to me. What kind of love is that? It is relentless. It is never ending. It is powerful. The thing holding me back from it is me. I do firmly believe that the one thing that keeps us most from experiencing God is ourselves. "I don't deserve it," or "That's too hard," or my personal favorite to use, " I don't have time." Why in this world would we let anything keep us from a God who loves us more than we could ever dream? God desires you. He calls you His own. No, you aren't deserving but He makes you more than deserving when you're covered in His grace. Jesus was sent to earth, laughed at, spit on, beaten, tortured, and killed as an innocent man so that we could live a life in slavery, bound up by ourselves and sin and have a life without joy? NO! He came so that we could finally be free from condemnation, free from ourselves, free from sin, full of life, full of joy, full of love, full of Him. He loves you. He loves me, no matter how prodigal I have been.
Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.
“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:11-24 NIV84)
Prodigal, wasteful: both are synonymous. Both are very much descriptive of me. Have you ever been there? Been in a place where everything you are is empty and everything you do seems pointless? You go over the last few months in your head and wonder where you fell into the deep end? Today has been a reflection day for me. I went to church this morning, and I literally can't tell you the last time I have been to a church two weekends in a row before today. Pinelake is doing to series on spiritual disciplines. Last week was giving. This week was prayer. After the sermon was over, the preacher gave us some time for prayer, probably 5 minutes or so. My thoughts were absolutely empty. I had nothing to say. I haven't earnestly sought Him in prayer for so long that I didn't know what to say and I feel very undeserving to speak. You know when you see a person you haven't seen in a long time and conversation with them is the epitome of awkward? I feel like prayer is the same way for me right now. So after church, I tried to dodge the conviction that had just literally been hurled at my heart. Watched a movie. Took a nap. Read other blogs. LL, thank you for your reminder that He is always faithful. And, McCall, your blog just inspires me every time I read it, whether it's cake batter dip or urging me to follow His plan for me. Thank you.
What am I running from? I once heard that if there were 10,000 steps between me and Jesus, if I would just take 1 step, He would RUN the 9,999 remaining to get to me. What kind of love is that? It is relentless. It is never ending. It is powerful. The thing holding me back from it is me. I do firmly believe that the one thing that keeps us most from experiencing God is ourselves. "I don't deserve it," or "That's too hard," or my personal favorite to use, " I don't have time." Why in this world would we let anything keep us from a God who loves us more than we could ever dream? God desires you. He calls you His own. No, you aren't deserving but He makes you more than deserving when you're covered in His grace. Jesus was sent to earth, laughed at, spit on, beaten, tortured, and killed as an innocent man so that we could live a life in slavery, bound up by ourselves and sin and have a life without joy? NO! He came so that we could finally be free from condemnation, free from ourselves, free from sin, full of life, full of joy, full of love, full of Him. He loves you. He loves me, no matter how prodigal I have been.
Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Lessons from Dr. Black
There are some people in life that just seem to have it all together, and even though you know that no one has it completely all together all the time, some people just seem to have this incredible peace and contentment and wisdom in their lives. One of those people is Dr. Black. Dr. Black is a chaplain at UMC. Today, we had the privilege of having her on 5 South visiting one of our patients. After she was done talking to him, I had to stop and talk to her. I gave her some chocolate and she said, "You know, my mother and I have decided that we're going to have tattooed on our chests for all medical personnel to see: 'Withhold everything but chocolate!'" Then I asked her, "Dr. Black, how do you know what to say to people?" She smiled and said, "I don't. We're trained to do this, but I rely on the person, my training, and the Lord. Refocus hope. You know, hope is 'I hope I can run this marathon,' then 'I hope I can learn to navigate this path with a wheelchair.' Then you have your hands removed and it becomes, 'I hope I can get through this.' You have to take it one day at a time." Refocus hope. Sometimes we so often have to refocus hope in our own lives. But, friends, you know the truth is our hope is Him. When we refocus hope, we refocus Him in our lives, realizing how full of hope we are because of Him. And the awesome things about Jesus is that we will ALWAYS have hope. Because of His love for us, He gives us everlasting hope. Another patient told me, "There's always a silver lining to every cloud, no matter how black it is." It is undeniable where her hope comes from. She has her Bible sitting beside her bed, and she always speaks His truth into my life when I come in her room. That is hope. Do I share that hope back to her? Am I sharing hope with those around me? Do I let them know by the way I live and speak that there is always hope and His name is Jesus? Refocus hope. Good lesson, Dr. Black.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Making a Choice
Beware: Rambling ahead.
To say that my life has been different over the last two months is a dire understatement. Actually, it's a whole year process. Here's how things happened; English buffs of the world, please excuse the bad grammar upon which you are about to stumble: Graduated from MC. SO happy to be out of nursing school. Passed boards! Got a job at UMC as a cancer nurse, which is what I'd wanted to do since I did an oncology rotation during nursing school. Started that same job at the end of July. Got a puppy named Matilda right before Christmas; yes, she is as mischievous as she sounds! I couldn't have picked a better name for this dog if I tried. One of my best friends had a wreck in January from which she sustained brain injuries, affecting her memory and stopping her in her tracks for a while. Mom had a wreck on the 4-wheeler, broke her arm in 2 places above her elbow. Doctor screwed up her arm by giving her the wrong treatment. Got nominated for nurse rookie of the year at UMC; utterly humbled by that, to say the least. Decided to go back to grad school (hopefully) in January to be a nurse educator. My dad hates the idea, but I have to do what I've been made to do and what I love doing and that is teaching.
So I know you must be thinking, "Marlie, what is there to be miserable about? Sounds like a pretty good year!" The problem with all of it is that in all of the successes and in all of the hard times, I missed acknowledging the Lord in it. I have a tendency to be a very proud person and to be someone who hates to ask for help. That is foolish! We all know that "pride goeth before a fall." And that is the epitome of truth. Yesterday, I spent the most time with the Lord that I have in a long time, and basically the whole time I was praying the psalms. That's why I love David. He's so honest with the Lord, and you can tell by the way he wrote that he was a real guy that struggled with the same issues we all deal with today. I spent a long time Psalm 51. The whole psalm is summed up in a few words: I screwed up. Fix me, Jesus. That's how I felt. How in the world do I pretend to follow the Lord and yet never spend time with Him or acknowledge who He is in my life? How do I pretend to know the Lord and yet have none of His peace or His joy in my life? I guess I thought I didn't need Him. I'd always say, "I'll sit with You later, Lord." That is a deadly statement. Later never came. The funny thing is over and over I had people tell me what I needed to do to fix my unhappy self, and I knew what to do before they said anything, but refused to move. I love how the Lord leaves choices up to you; He just simply sat, waiting for me to come running back to Him while still providing my every need in every way. Isn't He good? I have this incredibly merciful God who has all the right to pass judgment on me yet spares me and gives me mercy instead.
The conclusion I've come to is that having His joy is a choice. Following Him is a choice, one that must daily be made. Spending time with Him is a choice. Life with Jesus is full of choices, but He already gives us the answers to all the choices we make. We can choose to follow. We can choose to let go of "our" honor and pride, because without Him, we have no honor, and truly, all the honor belongs to Him anyway. We can choose joy because knowing Him is the greatest joy we will ever know. And we can rest assured that any choice made with Him in it is right because He is faithful, He is good, He is righteous, and He never lets us go, never lets our feet stumble.
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song. For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care. --Psalm 95:1-7
To say that my life has been different over the last two months is a dire understatement. Actually, it's a whole year process. Here's how things happened; English buffs of the world, please excuse the bad grammar upon which you are about to stumble: Graduated from MC. SO happy to be out of nursing school. Passed boards! Got a job at UMC as a cancer nurse, which is what I'd wanted to do since I did an oncology rotation during nursing school. Started that same job at the end of July. Got a puppy named Matilda right before Christmas; yes, she is as mischievous as she sounds! I couldn't have picked a better name for this dog if I tried. One of my best friends had a wreck in January from which she sustained brain injuries, affecting her memory and stopping her in her tracks for a while. Mom had a wreck on the 4-wheeler, broke her arm in 2 places above her elbow. Doctor screwed up her arm by giving her the wrong treatment. Got nominated for nurse rookie of the year at UMC; utterly humbled by that, to say the least. Decided to go back to grad school (hopefully) in January to be a nurse educator. My dad hates the idea, but I have to do what I've been made to do and what I love doing and that is teaching.
So I know you must be thinking, "Marlie, what is there to be miserable about? Sounds like a pretty good year!" The problem with all of it is that in all of the successes and in all of the hard times, I missed acknowledging the Lord in it. I have a tendency to be a very proud person and to be someone who hates to ask for help. That is foolish! We all know that "pride goeth before a fall." And that is the epitome of truth. Yesterday, I spent the most time with the Lord that I have in a long time, and basically the whole time I was praying the psalms. That's why I love David. He's so honest with the Lord, and you can tell by the way he wrote that he was a real guy that struggled with the same issues we all deal with today. I spent a long time Psalm 51. The whole psalm is summed up in a few words: I screwed up. Fix me, Jesus. That's how I felt. How in the world do I pretend to follow the Lord and yet never spend time with Him or acknowledge who He is in my life? How do I pretend to know the Lord and yet have none of His peace or His joy in my life? I guess I thought I didn't need Him. I'd always say, "I'll sit with You later, Lord." That is a deadly statement. Later never came. The funny thing is over and over I had people tell me what I needed to do to fix my unhappy self, and I knew what to do before they said anything, but refused to move. I love how the Lord leaves choices up to you; He just simply sat, waiting for me to come running back to Him while still providing my every need in every way. Isn't He good? I have this incredibly merciful God who has all the right to pass judgment on me yet spares me and gives me mercy instead.
The conclusion I've come to is that having His joy is a choice. Following Him is a choice, one that must daily be made. Spending time with Him is a choice. Life with Jesus is full of choices, but He already gives us the answers to all the choices we make. We can choose to follow. We can choose to let go of "our" honor and pride, because without Him, we have no honor, and truly, all the honor belongs to Him anyway. We can choose joy because knowing Him is the greatest joy we will ever know. And we can rest assured that any choice made with Him in it is right because He is faithful, He is good, He is righteous, and He never lets us go, never lets our feet stumble.
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song. For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care. --Psalm 95:1-7
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