Making a Choice

Beware:  Rambling ahead.

To say that my life has been different over the last two months is a dire understatement.  Actually, it's a whole year process.  Here's how things happened; English buffs of the world, please excuse the bad grammar upon which you are about to stumble:  Graduated from MC.  SO happy to be out of nursing school.  Passed boards!  Got a job at UMC as a cancer nurse, which is what I'd wanted to do since I did an oncology rotation during nursing school.  Started that same job at the end of July.  Got a puppy named Matilda right before Christmas; yes, she is as mischievous as she sounds!  I couldn't have picked a better name for this dog if I tried.  One of my best friends had a wreck in January from which she sustained brain injuries, affecting her memory and stopping her in her tracks for a while.  Mom had a wreck on the 4-wheeler, broke her arm in 2 places above her elbow.  Doctor screwed up her arm by giving her the wrong treatment.  Got nominated for nurse rookie of the year at UMC; utterly humbled by that, to say the least.  Decided to go back to grad school (hopefully) in January to be a nurse educator.  My dad hates the idea, but I have to do what I've been made to do and what I love doing and that is teaching.

So I know you must be thinking, "Marlie, what is there to be miserable about?  Sounds like a pretty good year!"  The problem with all of it is that in all of the successes and in all of the hard times, I missed acknowledging the Lord in it.  I have a tendency to be a very proud person and to be someone who hates to ask for help.  That is foolish!  We all know that "pride goeth before a fall."  And that is the epitome of truth.  Yesterday, I spent the most time with the Lord that I have in a long time, and basically the whole time I was praying the psalms.  That's why I love David.  He's so honest with the Lord, and you can tell by the way he wrote that he was a real guy that struggled with the same issues we all deal with today.  I spent a long time Psalm 51.  The whole psalm is summed up in a few words:  I screwed up.  Fix me, Jesus.  That's how I felt.  How in the world do I pretend to follow the Lord and yet never spend time with Him or acknowledge who He is in my life?  How do I pretend to know the Lord and yet have none of His peace or His joy in my life? I guess I thought I didn't need Him.  I'd always say, "I'll sit with You later, Lord."  That is a deadly statement.  Later never came.  The funny thing is over and over I had people tell me what I needed to do to fix my unhappy self, and I knew what to do before they said anything, but refused to move.  I love how the Lord leaves choices up to you; He just simply sat, waiting for me to come running back to Him while still providing my every need in every way.  Isn't He good?  I have this incredibly merciful God who has all the right to pass judgment on me yet spares me and gives me mercy instead.

The conclusion I've come to is that having His joy is a choice.  Following Him is a choice, one that must daily be made.  Spending time with Him is a choice.  Life with Jesus is full of choices, but He already gives us the answers to all the choices we make.  We can choose to follow.  We can choose to let go of "our" honor and pride, because without Him, we have no honor, and truly, all the honor belongs to Him anyway.  We can choose joy because knowing Him is the greatest joy we will ever know.  And we can rest assured that any choice made with Him in it is right because He is faithful, He is good, He is righteous, and He never lets us go, never lets our feet stumble.

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.  Let us come before Him with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song.  For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods.  In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him.  The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land.  Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care.  --Psalm 95:1-7

Help Me Remember

Jesus, it's so easy for me to go days without acknowledging You.  Rather, I think it's easy.  Actually, I'm making life harder by not putting every ounce of me into You.  Jesus, help me remember You.  Help me remember Your joy.  Help me to remember how sweetly You love me.  Help me remember how life changing that love is.  Help me remember how much I really do need You.  I want so much for You to be my Lord, not just my Savior.  Someone once told me that You can't be one or the other in my life.  You're so good at saving me, so good at rescuing me from me.  Lord, may Your love be enough to repell the lies I hear about my not being good enough, not pretty enough, not adequate enough.  You, Creator God, YOU make me adequate, YOU see me as beautiful, YOU see me as worthy.  Forgive me for my unbelief of that.  How I tend to forget You.  Thank You that You don't forget me.