Help Me Remember

Jesus, it's so easy for me to go days without acknowledging You.  Rather, I think it's easy.  Actually, I'm making life harder by not putting every ounce of me into You.  Jesus, help me remember You.  Help me remember Your joy.  Help me to remember how sweetly You love me.  Help me remember how life changing that love is.  Help me remember how much I really do need You.  I want so much for You to be my Lord, not just my Savior.  Someone once told me that You can't be one or the other in my life.  You're so good at saving me, so good at rescuing me from me.  Lord, may Your love be enough to repell the lies I hear about my not being good enough, not pretty enough, not adequate enough.  You, Creator God, YOU make me adequate, YOU see me as beautiful, YOU see me as worthy.  Forgive me for my unbelief of that.  How I tend to forget You.  Thank You that You don't forget me.

Missing Something?

This morning, I was driving back to my apartment from my sister's, blasting the newest Passion cd in the car.  I'm sure my dog and everyone driving around me thought I was an absolute fool jamming out in the driver's seat.  I really don't care though; it's kinda fun making people giggle as they pass by!  Anywho, of course the first things I hear from the cd are, "No, I'm not ashamed!  I'm not ashamed of the One who saved my soul!"  As if that's not enough to be convicted about, it gets to another song that says, "From babies hidden in the shadows to the cities shining bright, there are captives weeping far from sight.  For every doorway there's a story, and some are holding back the cries, but there is One who hears us in the night.  Great God, wrap Your arms around this world tonight.  When You hear our cries, sing through the night so we can join in Your song and sing along."

Hello.  Is there something I'm missing?  There is a city full of hurt and spiritually dead people around me.  All you have to do is go to downtown Jackson and see how much is missing.  I went to Mission First to volunteer as a nurse the other day, and I listened to the story of a woman who has been estranged from her daughter for almost 10 years.  She has yet to meet her grandchildren except through pictures.  She had plenty to be bitter about, but yet she looked at me and told me about how He is good and how He is faithful.  I mean, really??  All I could do was just sit there and listen to her proclaim the Lord's goodness, and I had absolutely no response.  Jesus was a doer.  He wasn't just a person who considered and pondered and said, "Well, maybe."  He was all or nothing.  In Luke, three times people said, "Jesus, I'm going to follow You no matter what!"  The first one backed out after Jesus told him He had no place to rest ever.  The second one backed out after Jesus told him he couldn't go bury his father who had just died.  The third backed out when Jesus told him he couldn't say goodbye to his family.  You may think that's extreme, but Jesus wants all or He wants nothing.  Joshua in the Old Testament set a high bar for the Israelites when he said, "Look, guys.  Choose who you're going to serve.  If it's going to be Yahweh, then serve Him wholeheartedly.  If it's something else, have nothing to do with Him.  Choose today.  Choose now.  But my family and I WILL serve Him."  Do I have enough resolve to say that?  

"We'll be that city on a hill burning brightly.  We'll be Your light to the world, shining Your glory."

Praise

When I stand before Your throne
Dressed in glory not my own
What a joy I'll sing of on that day
No more tears or broken dreams
For God is the mighty King
Everything as it was meant to be

And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
An endless hallelujah to the King.

I will see You as You are
Love You with unsinning heart
And see how much You paid to bring me home
Not till then Lord shall I know
Not till then how much I owe
Everything I am before Your throne

And we will worship, worship
Forever in your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
An endless hallelujah to the King.

No more tears,
No more shame,
No more sin or sorrow ever known again.
No more fears,
No more pain,
We will see You face to face,
See You face to face

And we will worship, worship

Forever in your presence we will sing.

We will worship, worship You

An endless hallelujah to the King.

From another song:

And on that day when my strength is failing,

The end draws near and my time has come,

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

10,000 years and then forever more!

All too often on oncology floors, we deal with death.  I did this weekend.  One of my patients passed.  I listen to the above songs on the way home, and the bottom song's lyrics grabbed my heart.  "When my strength is failing, the end draws near...still my soul will sing Your praise unending."  My patient this weekend was basically unable to speak, minus the occasional yes or no.  It made me think, "Marlie, what will your soul be doing when you're in this patient's shoes?"  I want it to praise.  But using our souls to praise a mighty God starts now, not in heaven when we have 10,000 years and then forevermore!  Praise starts now.  Why do we have to do it now when we'll do it forever one day?  Because He is worthy!  I've been thinking a lot about how we are to live in response to and in the shadow of the cross.  If that indeed is true, then how can we get away one day without raising our hands, without singing our lungs out, without feeling like our hearts will erupt from our chests if we don't praise?  

Philippians 2:9-11 says this:  "Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."  At merely the name of Jesus, every knee will bow in adoration, in reverence, in praise.  Do our hearts get giddy when we hear His name?  Do we wake up in the mornings praising?  That's the kind of men and women our Lord wants:  for Him to be on the throne of our hearts.  A throne can only seat one person.  It doesn't have room for our significant others, our family, our jobs, our hobbies, our social tribe, or our grades.  If Jesus is not seated on its throne, what is?  Ask God to help you cast the crowns of whatever is on your heart's throne to the ground, so that you may "crown Him with many crowns."  And may you fall at the King's feet in complete and total praise.

Do Something Now

"Compassion isn't compassion unless you do something now."  --Christine Caine

For the last month, to say that Jesus and I have been disconnected would be a VAST understatement.  I couldn't get out of a funk.  I knew I needed to spend time in the Word; I knew I needed His joy, His love, His peace and that I was being depleted of it.  That depletion was affecting my attitude towards friends, co-workers, and myself.  I vented to a friend, telling her my frustration with me but telling her about my lack of motivation to communicate with my Creator.  She did as only she can do and called me out, "Marlie, I can't do anything for you.  I can tell you over and over that you need to read your Bible, but you already know that.  No one can change that but YOU.  It's YOUR relationship with Christ, not anyone else's."  Oh, dear friend, how correct you were!  I had forgotten that it's my relationship.  Other people don't fit into this relationship and make it happen.  I hit my knees, begging for the Lord to once again revive me, and He so lovingly reminded me, "My love doesn't run out or give up on you."

So, I read Luke 4 today.  It quoted part of Isaiah in it and it went something like this:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good new to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."  --Luke 4:18-19

You know, you can browse over that passage and be like, "Ok, good.  I'll do that when I'm older or when I have 'enough time' or enough money."  Scripture doesn't say wait.  Over and over it says to take care of the poor, orphans, and widows.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27

"He [God] defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.  And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens to Egypt."  Deut. 10:18-19

"Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow Me.'"  --Matthew 19:21

So what am I doing?  Ok, Lord, I'm a nurse, and I take care of the needy and people who don't have a lot of money all the time.  But what am I really doing?  He calls us to an abundant life in John 10.  Did you hear me?  Abundant.  More than I can ask for.  Overwhelmingly good.  Fulfilled.  Content.  That kind of LIFE.  Not just sort of going through the motions, "oh this is such a lovely day", drink your cup of coffee in the morning and hit the sack at night kind of life, but truly LIVING.  I believe that to truly live we must truly serve.  To truly serve, we must truly seek His face.  One of my favorite verses in Psalm says this:  My heart says of Him, "Seek His face!"  Your face, Lord, I will seek.  May we seek.  May we find.  May we give.  May we do something now.

Soliloquy

I am at a loss.

I feel like Paul when he was writing one of his epistles, frustrated that he couldn't do what the Lord wanted him to do even though he knew exactly what the Lord required of him.  I know in my head that the Lord wants all of me.  I know that He wants my time everyday.  I know that He wants my life as a "living sacrifice".  I know I'm supposed to "pray without ceasing" and "hide the Word in my heart."  I know that.  All too often have I told the Lord, "God, I'm going to start over and spend time with You everyday."  I can't even count how many times I've said it, and every single time, I have absolutely failed.  I can't take it anymore when my friends tell me that they're seeking my advice, that they're asking me to pray because they view me as a Godly woman.  If they only knew how wrong they are, I think they'd be sorely disappointed.  I think they'd see my life as a lie, and I hate that.  Whether I spend time with Him daily or not, I'm carrying His name.  I'm associated with Him because I'm redeemed by Him, and here I go, just dragging my Maker's name through the mud.  How unworthy am I to spend time with Him!  How unmotivated I am to do so.  I can feel what it's doing to my attitude.  I can feel what it's doing to my perspective to not be with Him, yet I choose to be lazy and choose to noncompliant and I choose to reject.  When I pray, I feel like it's hitting the ceiling and ricocheting back to me, unheard by any ears but mine.  I know none of this is true, but how do I get brain knowledge to be heart knowledge?  How do I discipline my heart to do something it desperately needs but doesn't want to do?  

God Is Able

God is able
He will never fail
He is Almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted high
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord our God is able.

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us.

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord our God is able.

Now to Him who is able to do abundantly more than we can ask or imagine...Ephesians 3:21

Change My Heart, O God

I don’t really worship these days
I don’t really stand up to praise You with songs
Or prayers or actions
Or with anything
I am full of all the right moves
I am full of all the right words
I am full of all the right religion
But it is all just illusion
I am really
Lonely
Lost
Calloused
Jaded
Cynical
Too religious
Too realistic
And well really just too lazy
To worship You anymore
I have lost my first love
I have lost the joy of Your presence
But most of all I have lost the fear of Your glory

Father, I need to see You again
Like Isaiah, I want to stand in awe of Your glory
To fall down at Your feet
To come face to face with Your
Perfection,
Radiance,
Goodness,
Holiness,
Awesomeness
I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
and me for who I am
I want to be undone

I want to know me for who I really am
I want to see the depths of my heart
And know that you are the only way
You are the only truth
You are the only life
I want to see me and understand
What it really must have taken for you to
Love me
Care for me
See me
Speak to me
Want me
Communicate with me
Die for me
Die for me
Die for me

Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
And my sin
Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Lord, undo my heart
break down these walls that I love so much
No, wait don’t,
I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this
don’t
But I can’t live this way anymore
I can’t stand here in this half-life
this going through the motions life
this not really alive life
Father, I need you so come in and do what you must
Cut out the tumor on my heart
Break down the walls that I love
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
let me worship you again

*Blake Williams